5-21-15

Well now 2 more day until Freshman year is over I can’t wait. Well I guess I’m kind of happy that I didn’t go to my boyfriends game last night because they lost. But my boyfriends sister wants me to go to her game tonight but I don’t have a ride well yet. My “friend” say I could go with her after school and just walk over to the game with her. I don’t know if I want to tho because we were really close than she stopped talking to me well I don’t really care I guess. Well I just lied I do care but I try not to at all. Its hard not to care but lifes life I guess.

Advertisements

At Home 5-20-15

Well i wanted to go to my boyfriends game today but that didn’t happen.. Don’t ask why please. But I’ll tell you anyways. I could go but since my sister has a singy thing i can’t go which is very sad. Now I’m mad well more sad than mad.

Life 5-20-15

Well in 3 days school year will be over I can’t wait. I am a freshman at New Riegel Schools. Yes it is a small school but that way I know everyone knows me. Unless if there new ten they don’t know me. But eventually everyone knows everyone. I have some friends well I can talk to anyone in the school. Some conversations might not last long but I could still talk to everyone. Like I said I have friends but I also have best friends and enemies. But I won’t mention names thats rude.  Here is a story I wrote about my life

Living

A Nightmare

Every Day

Dear Someone who doesn’t care about me, Sept 16,12

 

So today was interesting and fun I got to see my boyfriend after school and I wish that I could hug him forever. Because whenever I’m around him it feels like someone really does care about me like he truly does love me. But I also know that it won’t last forever because he’s not the one I can sense it. During the day was fun-ish because we did this peach day festival during spanish class it was fun but yet I was scared. I was scared because I was worried no one would eat my peach crisp or like it.  But a lot of people did like it which made me feel better. Also today I have this friend who thinks we are best of friends really I want to kill her. I’m not saying any names or anything but she acts like she is the freaking queen of the world and everyone should listen to her. She thinks highschool supposed to be fun but she knows it isn’t going to be fun. She thinks there will be no fights or drama. Bull shit, I wish there wasn’t going to be any but there is and she doesn’t get that life isn’t FAIR! Also I have this other friend whom I just started talking to last year and shes awesome and crazy but is annoying sometimes.  Now she found this new guy she likes and doesn’t stop talking about him. Then there is some other friends I have but they don’t bother me as much because there the friends not best friends. Then there is this one girl who is amazing at least I think she is. Shes always being herself not letting other people get to her. Well i just wasted my time to write this. 😦

 

From, Ava

Dear Someone who doesn’t care about me,

 

Well I don’t understand how someone can act all tough but be weak inside. Because I could never do that I’m weak all around just some people don’t see it. Unlike me I see people and their weakness everyday. Everytime I look at someone I can see if there trying to cover their feelings. I mean today I learned that even when try you will still fail because you’re never a winner or else you wouldn’t keep trying. So thats how I’m going to live my life I’m going to try even though I know I’m going to fail. I guess as long as you’re trying you’re living your life to the fullest. I’m trying to at least. Because all I see is people hurting and I’m trying to help. My mom says you can help them but don’t be someone’s leftovers. I get what she means she’s saying you can help someone but make sure they’re not just using you. It’s already happen to me people using me. This  one girl last year was my friend and now this year she treats me like a piece of crap. Like I’m useless so now I’m careful I watch my back. There is this one girl I’m trying to help right now but I don’t know how to because she’s been beaten pretty bad by other girls. I need to help her trust people again. It will be hard but I tell she’ll be my best friend because I’m comfortable around her. I mean I’m comfortable around alot of people but certain people I’m terrified of. I don’t know why and this person probably knows that I’m talking about them but I don’t care. Thats it today. 😦

 

From, Ava

 

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About me,

 

Today was interesting I guess because everyone was happy. Ok nevermind know could believe that. Today was a bad well not a good day I mean its wasn’t bad I guess. I’ve had better. It wasn’t because I’m alive and still have friends and  family. But yet It was bad because there’s always drama. Ugh why can’t people just realize everyone has flaws. Also everyone has differents flaws. I have alot of flaws I just don’t try to show them or tell them. One of my flaws are in 2008 I got hit by a truck and broke left leg & arm but I’m living. Because I got hit my knee bows in when I walk. I have to go to therapy. But no one knows about it because to me I feel like I want people to look at me. Then they’ll look at me when I walk. My boyfriend notice before i even told him about it. I’m just scared. I can’t tell anyone cause one word said wrong I’m screwed everyone will know. I mean everyone! Bob claims he knows how I feel but he doesn’t he didn’t go through what I’ve been through. He hasn’t thought someone was your friend but then they just turn around and stab you in your back. It happen to me and still is happening. He doesn’t have a friend who conplains about every fuvking little thing that he does. Because I do have that I do have to live with that every day. I act like I don’t care when I really do care.

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About me,

 

I hate it when people think they can do anything they want just because they’re “popular” or “sporties”. I just want them to realize someday they can’t do whatever they want. When they realize that they’re going to be in shock and realize what they did wrong. When they try to apologize to the people they hurt it will be too late. I will never forgive them ever because they don’t care about other people feelings. But I should forgive them because thats what god would want me to do. Its hard but its supposed to be hard. Its better than dying on a cross. Right now all I need is sleep but I can’t  because I’m in school. School is the worst place ever because everyone acts different than their real selves. They act different so they can fit in. I act different because being myself would be dangerous because then I would stand out. I don’t like standing out at ALL.  But blake wants me to meet his grandmother but i don’t want to at all. Luckily junior high volleyball is over. So now i can’t but i can still see him at after school.  I feel like we’re separating apart. Like he likes Mackenzie more than me like I’m just there not worth anything to him. But he keeps telling me he loves me and cares about me but then he doesn’t care if I die.

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About Me,

 

Well today was fun just kidding it was horrible. Today I was supposed to go to the Tiffin Parade.  But of course I had to puke last night and at 5:30 yesterday morning so you know dad wouldn’t let me march in the parade because he thought i would get other people sick when really I feel fine. But he’s “the boss” of life. Well I guess my sister gidge got the sickness I had so you know my dad was wrong.

From, Ava

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About Me,

 

Well i know who ever is reading this must think I’m weird or strange or mentally crazy. But I’m not i’m that one person in life telling you not to do something because I’ve been in that spot before or I’ve seen someone go through it but yet no one listens to me. That is what bothers me the most they don’t listen at all there in their own little world and think they’re right when really they’re wrong!!!! Ugh well i black eye cause a girl on the basketball team elbow me in the eye. But it doesn’t hurt yet everyone is like that has to hurt when it doesn’t!  So you know i get more attention because of it and i don’t like it just because my eye got hurt people notice me which i  think is stupid. People shouldn’t notice because my eye is hurt. I hate people one people one moment I’m nothing next i’m something. But you bitches are real in life. I sit by two bitches in Spanish class i want to punch both of them in the face cause they both think they’re right when they’re not. So you know whatever. I’m done I’ve been done for a long time but the only thing keeping me going is my boyfriend Jackson he always finds a way to make me happy even when I’m sad.  He never gets mad when I complain which isn’t a bad thing yet I wish he would sometimes so i would stop complaining. I know if you’re reading this you might look at my life and say well why didn’t you just do this then it would have fixed all your problems in life. But maybe I’ve try everything I can yet nothing. Maybe if i did what you’re thinking of I would lose everyone even the ones I didn’t want to.. So if you think of a plan write it down maybe create a book to help other people like me. Maybe the person reading this is like me or maybe not. All I know is the person reading this must live completing different then I. Maybe the person reading this is my son/daughter. Maybe my life was a waste maybe not. Well  who ever is reading this needs to know these things

    1. I hate all the girls in my class yes even Vanessa Meyers she likes to get whatever she wants and doesn’t realize nothings perfect.
    2. I use to like Danny Ink but thats over with but maybe I’ll get married to him but i doubt it.
    3. I want to stay in the town of New RIegel if i leave something big must of happen
  • I never had a true friend they’re all back stabbers
  1. I’m not the mushy romantic type
  2. But i wish guys were romantic
  3. i might seem tough as a rock but I’m weak like paper.
  4. I’m just tired of drama
  5. Why can’t people realize that I’m dead inside I’m just living for them not myself

 

From,

Ava

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About Me,

 

Well yesterday I puked in the morning so I didn’t go to school. But today I went but I shouldn’t because right now I feel like crap and it hurts. I just wish someone would say something but it doesn’t matter. I wish people would listen to me for once. Everyone wonders why I don’t its because no one listens so theres no point of talking. Who cares about what I say anyways? I have that answer no one does! Sure i have a few “friends” but really look at them the one acts like my friend but doesn’t really talk to me and the others well you know there “true friends”. I know i have been getting bad grades well not to bad C’s is passing but I’ve been stressed and no one notice so oh well.

From,

Ava

Dear Someone Who Doesn’t Care About Me,

Well I guess maybe my dream isn’t real my life is a big failure my head hurts my stomach is killing me but I mean who cares right. I know I probably sound like I’m going to kill myself but i promise I couldn’t cause I know if I do I still would be nowhere I would make everyone feel bad I couldn’t stand it. All I want to do is I don’t know feel safe and be able to breath I guess. I need to know I can tell someone my feelings without them getting all sassy or mad or judge me I just need to tell someone everything and I need the person to tell me it will be okay God has a plan for me but there’s no one. I mean I can tell Vanessa but then she gets all mad or some of it is her so I can’t tell her I need to find a random person I’ll never meet again and tell them everything I need a person who doesn’t know me and I don’t know them. But there’s no one like that. I just want to get rid of all my scars and tears and pain. I think also Blake is cheating on me but I don’t know for sure. Well he’s not cheating he likes/flirting with another girl but I mean whatever i know this would end some how I just not like this. I guess I thought we would just agree that it wasn’t working out we would be a little bit of friends but not as close like I know I would have him but not anymore than that. Maybe when I graduate I’ll show this to everyone and anyone was involved with this. Maybe I need  to get new friends completely ditch everyone I know now and get new friends. I also just need a day were i don’t have to worry about anything.But maybe I just need to deal with it and get stop worrying and live life without worrying.